Thomas Granger died for YOU, I say!

Thomas Granger (1625-1642) carries the little-known title of being the first juvenile hanged in the Massachusetts Bay Colony (and hence by extension in the current United States)

His crime? Having sex with a turkey.

It must have been a long winter.

Young Thomas, at the age of 16 or 17, was convicted of "buggery with a mare, a cowe, two goats, divers sheepe, two calves, and a turkey", according to court records of 7 September 1642.

Furthermore, before Graunger's execution, following the laws unequivocally set down in Leviticus 20:15 ("And if a man shall lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast"), the animals involved were slaughtered before his face and thrown into a large pit dug for their disposal, no use being made of any part of them.

I imagine Thomas was impassive when the goats were sacrificed, but did he break down when the cowe was killed...? "No Buttercup, no! It wasn't your fault, we were young and wild and cold" etc etc.

It's all true. I could have made it up on Wikipedia, but not in an academic journal (See Chapter IV, Buggery) and I certainly wasn't alive when William Bradford wrote "Of Plymouth Plantation" in 1646.

In such instances do we see, simultaneously, the birth of:
a. Ultra-religious USA
b. Ultra-liberal USA
c. Jerry Springer / Court TV / Judge Judy
d. Turkey basting
e. Turkey pardoning



Amen.